Veterans Day - "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition"

I found this quote on the Yale University Press web site yesterday while processing a book order. I shared it with some friends and received the following history lesson behind it. I thought I would continue to share it with you all as the troops on campus are celebrating Veterans Day today.

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"the rest ofthe story", as given on http://my.execpc.com/~dschaaf/praise.html

"Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition"; was written by FrankLoesser. According to the song a chaplain ("sky pilot") was with some fightingmen who were being attacked by an enemy. (Generally given at the time to be theJapanese at Pearl Harbor.) He was asked to say a prayer for the men who wereengaged in the firing at the on-coming Japanese planes. The chaplain; the songwent on to infer, put down his bible, manned one of the ship's gun turrets andbegin firing back, saying, "Praise The Lord and pass the ammunition".

Now; however, there are now facts available setting the story straight.

According to the writer, Jack S. McDowall, through the years the lyrics of thesong have generally credited "a chaplain" manning the gun turrets of a ship,while under attack. "This was not true". says, McDowell.

For some time, long after the attack at Pearl Harbor, stories and reportscontinued to pop-up about the incident, involving a chaplain who was to haveuttered the now famous words, "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition."

These stories eventualy made their way through the servicemen back to thepress. The press, as McDowell noted, . . . led some writers erroneously toidentify other chaplains as authors of the phrase.

Nonetheless, the real Chaplain, Howell Forgy, aboard the U.S.S. New Orleans;during the Japanese attack, was that Chaplain. He was a Lieutenant (j.g.) onthat Sunday morning in December, 1941.

Another Lieutenant who had been in charge of an ammunition line on the USS NewOrleans during the attack remembered.

"I heard a voice behind me saying, Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Iturned and saw Chaplain Forgy walking toward me along the line of men. He waspatting the men on the back and making that remark to cheer them and keep themgoing. I know it helped me a lot, too", he said.

Another Lieutenant j.g. said, the men aboard the USS New Orleans wouldthereafter kid Chaplain Forgy about the role he played whenever they heard thesong that had been written. They also encouraged him to set the record straightas to who actually said what. According to that same Lieutenant the Chaplainwould decline saying he felt "the episode should remain a legend rather than beassociated with any particular person."

Author McDowell said that press reporters were eventually permitted tointerview men of the U.S.S. New Orleans involved in the "ammunition" story.Chaplain Forgy's superior officers set up a meeting with some of the press and;at last, the the real story of the wonderful song and the wonderful man who hadinspired it was finally confirmed.

The preceeding information was provided by Henry Wristen, President of theU.S.S New Orleans (CA-32) Reunion Association."Pearl Harbor: Remembered" Web site thanks him.

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The Song

Down went the gunner, a bullet was his fate
Down went the gunner, then the gunners mate
Up jumped the sky pilot, gave the boys a look
And manned the gun himself as he laid aside The Book, shouting
Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!
Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!
Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition and we'll all stay free!

Praise the Lord and swing into position!
Can't afford to sit around and wishin'
Praise the Lord we're all between perdition
and the deep blue sea!

Yes the sky pilot said it
You've got to give him credit
for a son - of - gun - of - a - gunner was he,
Shouting;
Praise the Lord we're on a mighty mission!
All aboard, we're not a - goin' fishin;
Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition and we'll all stay free!

Something Old

I was reading my blog from a year ago and stumbled upon this. It was a personal mission statement exercise that we did at Genoa Woods. Thought I would repost it.

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I will…
- be a reliable source of energy. In the home and in the workplace.
- always remember that my core values come from my mother.
- strive to be a steady person who takes time to look at all the details before moving on.
- be a dependable employee, sister, and friend to all who need my assistance.
- try to remember that the world does not revolve around Shannon.
- continue to express my individuality and celebrate my liberty.
- be a good and true companion to myself and others.
- continue to bring enthusiasm to work and home and support the ideas that are formedaround me.
- strive to always uphold my composure in all situations.
- remember it is ok to rely on the strengths of others and that it is ok
- always approach a client and my co-workers with sincerity and enthusiasm

I will be a reliable and steady source of enthusiasm and sincerity to those around me. I will celebrate the individuality of my team and be a dependable companion that they can rely on. I will remember to own my decisions and position and that it is ok to lean on the strengths of my fellow teammates.

I am a dependable companion that provides a strong, reliable, steady force backed with enthusiasm and sincerity.

Diversity Matters at Michigan

University of Michigan President Mary Sue Coleman pledged Wednesday to continue the fight for diversity, vowing that the University will “consider every legal option available.”

Here is the text of Coleman's address to the University community on the U-M Diag, one day after Michigan voters approved Proposal 2: http://www.umich.edu/pres/speeches/061103div.html

Vote or Die

"Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You didn't place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible."

--Jamie Raskin, a constitutional law professor, testifying before a Maryland Senate committee in response to a question from Republican Sen. Nancy Jacobs about whether marriage discrimination against gay people is required by "God's Law."

Measu(red)

http://joinred.blogspot.com/2006/11/measured.html#links

(RED) sales have sky-rocketed in the US. Check out thier blog and see all the great things they are able to do after one month of product release!

Beer -vs- Bottled Water

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water eachday, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo ofEscherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other words, we areconsuming 1 kilo of poop!

However, we do not run that risk when drinking beer because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting. And so, in conclusion, it is better to drink beer and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit.

- Thanks Jerri! -

(RED)

(RED) was created by Bono and Bobby Shriver, Chairman of DATA, to raise awareness and money for The Global Fund by teaming up with the world's most iconic brands to produce (PRODUCT) RED-branded products.

A percentage of each (PRODUCT) RED product sold is given to The Global Fund. The money helps women and children with HIV/AIDS in Africa. www.joinred.com

P & P

http://freierm.blogspot.com/2006/10/invited-to-table.html

"A great lesson on importance of being faithful with the little things and letting life unfold."

This line at the end of my great friend Mark's blog surprisingly hit a cord in me today, to the tune of getting teary eyed.

In a day and age where my generation, well at least I, want it big and want it now, maybe a little patients and persistence is needed in life.

Naked Calender

I noticed the other day, that I have stopped marking off the days on my calender. I haven't done it since September. Must mean I am content where I am right now, though I have not stopped the job search. I should just quit my job and sell sex toys, I mean "relationship enhancement products", for a living.

Grandma's Boy

You have to see this movie! It wasn't ALL about grandma making this guy crazy, actually it was the opposite.

One of the many best parts was they played out is what every teenage boy already does in secret - masturbate to a Lara Croft doll - then his buddy's mom walked in, I don't need to go into what happened next.

Anyway... pick it up... it's a great movie!

Can the President be Vice President?

So.. had a random call today that asked:

"If the Vice President runs for President and wins and nominates the former President as Vice President; if he then dies, can the former President legally be President again?"

(If Cheney rand for president, and picked Bush as his vice; and Cheney then dies, does Bush become President again?"

YES:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vice_President_of_the_United_States

"The Twelfth Amendment to the United States Constitution requires vice presidents to meet the same requirements as presidents, and the 22nd amendment limits presidents to being elected to only two terms.

It is, however, debated whether a former two-term president could be elected Vice President since the 22nd amendment doesn't limit a president to serving two terms; it only prevents him from being elected to more than two terms. According to one interpretation a two term president could be elected to the vice-presidency and then serve another term in the presidency if the elected president died or was removed from office. The 22nd amendment only forbids election to, not service in, the presidency more than twice."

So the President can only be "elected" twice; he can serve as President the 3rd time because he was not "elected" into it, but secededd into it.

The Fallen

NYTimes Article on the current role of women in combat. Even though we are not allowed to serve in infantry or spceial forces, women are still oversea's dieing in their supporting roles.

My personal thoughts are if a woman wants to blow shit up and slit people's throats, then she should be able to. I feel the majority of women may NOT want to do this, so the military should not worry about it. The politics are still rough - sexual hassisment and what not - and we still have to prove ourselves as "one of the guys"; but in receint events in my life I have met several women I would rather have by my side in combat over a man - they are quick and ruthless and have no problems taking down men who are 3x's their size and killing their enemy.

Below is the full length article as well as links to profiles of the fallen women.

SMM
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The Fallen
Profiles of the 65 American female soldiers who have died in Iraq or Afghanistan.2002 2003 2004 2005 2006


By LIZETTE ALVAREZ
Published: September 24, 2006

LT. EMILY J. T. PEREZ, 23, a West Point graduate who outran many men, directed a gospel choir and read the Bible every day, was at the head of a weekly convoy as it rolled down roads pocked with bombs and bullets near Najaf. As platoon leader, she insisted on leading her troops from the front.

Two weeks ago, one of those bombs tripped her up, detonating near her Humvee in Kifl, south of Baghdad. She died Sept. 12, the 64th woman from the United States military to be killed in Iraq or Afghanistan. Eight died in Vietnam.

Despite longstanding predictions that America would shudder to see its women coming home in coffins, Lieutenant Perez’s death, and those of the other women, the majority of whom died from hostile fire (the 65th died in a Baghdad car bombing a day later), have stirred no less — and no more — reaction at home than the nearly 2,900 male dead. The same can be said of the hundreds of wounded women.

There is no shortage of guesses as to why: Americans are no longer especially shocked by the idea of a woman’s violent death. Most don’t know how many women have fallen, or under what circumstances. Photographs of body bags and coffins are rarely seen. And nobody wants to kick up a fuss and risk insulting grieving families.

“The public doesn’t seem concerned they are dying,” said Charles Moskos, a military sociologist at Northwestern University who has closely studied national service. “They would rather have someone else's daughter die than their son.”

What’s more, no one in the strained military is eager to engage in a debate about women and the risks they are taking in Iraq because, quite simply, the women are sorely needed in this modern-day insurgent conflict. As has happened many times in war, circumstances have outpaced arguments. They are sure to be taken up again at some point, only this time, the military will have real-life data on the performance of women in the field to supplant the hypotheticals.

Like most soldiers on the job, Lieutenant Perez, who will be buried at West Point on Tuesday, was focused on her mission, not on her groundbreaking role in a war that seems to have dispelled a litany of notions about women warriors.

For the first time, women by the thousands are on the ground and engaging the enemy in a war that has no front line, and little in the way of safe havens. In this 360-degree war, they are in the thick of it, hauling heavy equipment and expected to shoot and defend themselves and others from an enemy that is all around them. They are driving huge rigs down treacherous roads, frisking Iraqi women at dangerous checkpoints, handling gun turrets and personnel carriers and providing cover for other soldiers.

It is not so much the job titles that have changed — the policy shift that allowed women to serve in combat support units close to the front lines occurred in 1994. Rather it is the job conditions.
“We are asking far more of our female soldiers than ever before in history,” said Elaine Donnelly, director of the Center for Military Readiness, a conservative think tank.
But a line in the Iraqi sand exists. Under the 1994 Pentagon policy, women were still barred from serving in ground combat forces — infantry, armor, field artillery — but are allowed to serve as fighter pilots and on warships. In Iraq, women were not involved in the initial invasion; they did not clear insurgents from Falluja; they don’t drive tanks or, in most cases, kick down doors in house searches.

They are also barred, technically, from “co-located units” that support combat troops. A woman can serve as a medic, for example, but not as a medic in a unit that “co-locates and remains” or accompanies a unit on the front line, like an infantry unit.

In reality, though, this so-called co-location is taking place, analysts say, although it is unclear how widespread it is. The Pentagon has stretched the language of the policy, mostly because there are not enough troops, men or women. It has done so because the language is fuzzy. An effort by some House Republican leaders last year to challenge the practice was beaten back by the Pentagon, which argued that it could not sustain the mission without women in these jobs.
“It says you can have female medics, but they can’t see combat,” said Capt. Megan O’Connor, who served in Iraq for a year and a half in the New Jersey Army National Guard as a medical operations and plans officer. “It’s all combat in Ramadi. It’s so gray. They put the rules down on paper. It looks good. It reads good. But for a commander to implement, it’s impossible.”
“The women were itching for it,” she added, and accumulating commendations and medals for bravery along the way.

Ms. Donnelly said the Pentagon was openly flouting current policy and sending women out directly with combat troops, with no debate, no hearings in Congress and, so far, no consequences. She has no qualms about women, who make up 10 percent of the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, doing the jobs they are assigned in dangerous circumstances. That is standard. But to send them out with combat troops is illegal, she said.

“I have enormous respect for these women,” said Ms. Donnelly, who opposes allowing women into ground combat forces. “My criticism is not of the women in the military. They are fulfilling their responsibility to the greatest degree, and that, too, is unprecedented. The policymakers should not be ordering them into areas that are not gender integrated.”

But the fact that the Army is successfully using women in this way is likely to lead policymakers to revisit the rule, some analysts say. “It’s that policy that when this war is over is going to have to change, even if we have to keep women out of the infantry per se,” said Lory Manning, a retired Navy captain who is the director for the women-in-the-military project at the Women’s Research and Education Institute, a nonprofit public policy group. “The next door to open is ground combat. That’s the last frontier. A lot of the social conservatives have powerful feelings about training mothers to kill.”

Conventional wisdom has long dictated that women were not suited to the battlefield — too frail, emotionally and physically, to survive combat pressure. Men, it was said, would crumble at the sight of a bloodied female soldier, or put themselves at risk to protect her. The public would not stomach women coming back in body bags or suffering life-changing wounds. And mixing men and women — with all the sexual and emotional pitfalls — would strain the unit dynamic, which can lead to deadly mistakes.

Those sorts of arguments were revived last week when the former Navy secretary James Webb, running for Senate in Virginia, was reminded of his assertions 30 years ago that women could not, and should not, fight, assertions he has distanced himself from.
None of this, so far, has come to pass. “They are pulling their own weight and performing as well as men,” Ms. Manning said. “And the American public is not any more upset about women coming home in body bags than men.”

Mady Wechsler Segal, a professor of sociology at the University of Maryland and the associate director for the Center for Research on Military Organization, said succinctly, “If they weren’t doing a good job, we would be hearing about it.”

Certainly, women in Iraq and Afghanistan face different challenges, both at war and at home. Incidents of sexual harassment on military bases are common enough, and fending that off without offending peers and superiors is tricky. Sexual assault, while less common, only intensifies combat stress, leading to greater vulnerability. It also leads to new complications. What if your attacker is also the person you must defend, or must defend you?

A whole crop of veterans are suffering from post-traumatic stress and lost limbs, circumstances that sometimes prove more difficult for women who often fill the role of nurturers to their families.

And there are practical considerations. Women on smaller bases in Iraq often share sleeping quarters with men. Equipment in women’s sizes can sometimes be harder to come by. Some women use newer forms of birth control to make their periods less frequent. Even urinating can become a problem. The military has disbursed portable contraptions the women affectionately call a weenus, for use on long truck drives.

Women also face resistance among some male commanders, who are not keen to put women at risk, some women who have served in Iraq say. But many commanders, they added, treated them no differently.

Capt. Tammy Spicer, who commanded a transportation company for the Missouri National Guard, said women were often being watched to see if they are up to the job. Driving trucks is dangerous work in Iraq, and her company drove a million and a half miles with no enemy-related casualties.

If anything was taxing, she said, it was in 2003 in Kuwait, when she and four other women shared a tent with 45 men. The women shared showers with men, on rotation, and always got the worst hours, she said. “Their bickering, their cursing, their body noises,” she said, laughing. “They would leave their food out and we would have rats. There was no relief from men.”

Squirrel Crossing

This morning I saw a squirrel cross the street in the crosswalk.

I wish the students would learn a lesson.

I'm Engaged!!!

(damn... been a month since I posted!)

I'M ENGAGED!!!!

DID I TELL YOU I AM ENGAGED!!!

HEY! DID YOU HEAR THAT SCOTT PROPOSED TO SHANNON!

YEAH! I HEARD HE DROPPED HIS BEER TAILGATEING AND GOT DOWN ON ONE KNEE TO PICK IT UP!

WOW! THAT'S AWESOME!

** no date set yet, just enjoying the moment. Scott's father would like us to get married before he retires in 09 so he can recoup his losses. Will keep everyone posted! **

Season of Friends

My good friend Mark (hi Mark!) talks all the time about season's in your life. New jobs, new experiences, essentially the ever shifting change that comes with the ebbs and flows of life.

I have started to experience such a flow with my circle of friends.

Now you have your friends from childhood. No matter how long it has been since you have talked, you pick up where you left off and they are always there for you when you need them (goes for certain college friends as well).

Then there are the friends you "work" with. The student leaders you bonded with in college you talk to once in a while but the relationship you have with them is no where near your childhood friends.

Now I have moved on to my adult friends. For the last three years I have been part of a community organization in Brighton. We always strive to be friends first over organization members - putting our friendship and fun first over community goals and what not. Then Scott and I have sword friends; and we are spending more and more time with them and less and less with our other adult friends.

It is here that I am seeing a slight shift in loyalties. I miss some of my other friends, but I am finding myself wanting to spend more and more time with my new friends.

Why is that? Is it that they feed me in a different way? Or maybe they are just totally different people who really care about YOU and what you do in life and try to make to a better person along the way?

Fustrated

Can't believe it has been almost a month since I have posted anything... if crazy David Hasseloff videos even count as a post.

This summer I have been applying for jobs at the U of M. I am being very selective applying only for the jobs I really want - mostly in academic advising and event planning. Last night I received another "Dear Jane" letter. Now most the time this isn't upsetting but last night it was because it was from my "dream department" and came from someone who verbally encouraged me to apply for the job.

To add insult to injury the letter expressed that "other applicants matched their qualifications better" when they have actually reposted the position!! Which means, they didn't like anyone from the first group so they are reposting the job to see what they get next.

Let's run down the job requirements:

Understanding of established principles and practices associated with first year experiences and students in transition;

ability to manage highly detailed projects;

skilled in using M-Pathways system;

knowledgeable about Business Objects and Crystal Reports.

Demonstrated ability to communicate effectively and collaborate with a wide variety of stakeholders;

demonstrated ability to work in a highly collaborative, team-oriented environment;

excellent judgment and ability to act in a service-oriented operation.

Excellent customer service, communication, interpersonal and organizational skills with a proven track record of positive and friendly client interactions.

Ability to work effectively with supervisors, peer, and clients in a high visibility role; ability and desire to contribute to building a multicultural environment.

Willingness to seek out projects and additional responsibilities during non-peak times.

Minimum of between two and five years of professional experience in higher education or student affairs administration with experience in the delivery of student services.

Demonstrated experience utilizing M-Pathways; excellent computer skills utilizing Word, Excel, Business Objects.

Proficiency with current standard office productivity applications; specifically, Microsoft Excel, Access, Word, PowerPoint, Project, Visio.

Bachelor’s degree or an equivalent combination of education and experience.

Considerable knowledge of university organization, policies and procedures.

Ability to work occasional evenings and weekends.

So out of 16 "requirements" only 6 can be measured on a resume, the rest you would have to prove in an interview or try to touch on in a cover letter. Out of all the requirements (16 remember) I am only shaky on experience for 2 of them (which happen to be computer applications I have had minimal experience with). So... if a person you have previously met and interviewed "appears" to meet the 6 measurable requirements, wouldn't you give them an interview?

Needless to say I am pretty frustrated and feel I am dammed to roam the earth as a secretary for the rest of my life.

Anyone think I should follow up with the administrator to see why I wasn't offered an interview?

The Evolution of Dance

I LOVE THIS GUY!!! Judson Laipply (comedian) dances to clips of music from the 60's to the 2000's

New Music Video From David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff - "Jump In My Car"

hehehe... I can't believe this. I guess there is a reason he is popular in Europe and not America. If the video was ment to be cheesy, they hit the makk! ~SMM ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That's right, it's Hofficial... your favourite cult icon wants to take you home! The one and only David Hasselhoff of "Bay Watch" and "Knight Rider" fame returns with a cover of the 1975 classic 'Jump In My Car' and its a doozy. Recorded in Sydney last year with the legendary Harry Vanda (AC/DC, The Angels), the Ted Mulry Gang tune has been re-vamped with full Hoff gusto and this music video promises to rock the socks off all his Hofficial fans. Watch it, enjoy it, share it on Google Video, courtesy of Sony BMG Australia. Want more? Buy the buy the track on iTunes Australia by clicking here: http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?id=155871591&s=143460

Taking it back...

This weekend Scott and I saw the much awaited Clerks II. Possibly one of the funniest movies I have ever seen; Kevin Smith's best movie to date (well Dogma is still my favorite); and funnier than Clerks I.

Could it be that like Dante and Randal, I entering my 30's have fallen into what is expected of me? Graduate HS, go to college, get a job, have a career, etc... When really all I would love to do in life is work in a restaurant during the day and party all night. I loved college.... But now I have too many bills to support a life of leisure such as that.

So I am working the 9-5 job hoping soon for a career move and a more secure future for the next 40 years until I can retire, hopefully with no debt, and become the porch-monkey we all really want to be.

"Eye of God" AKA The Helix Nebula

I give you NGC 7293: The Helix Nebula
http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap030510.html



Explanation: Will our Sun look like this one day? The Helix Nebula is the closest example of a planetary nebula created at the end of the life of a Sun-like star. The outer gasses of the star expelled into space appear from our vantage point as if we are looking down a helix. The remnant central stellar core, destined to become a white dwarf star, glows in light so energetic it causes the previously expelled gas to fluoresce. The Helix Nebula, given a technical designation of NGC 7293, lies about 650 light-years away towards the constellation of Aquarius and spans about 2.5 light-years. The above picture is a composite of newly released images from the ACS instrument on the Hubble Space Telescope and wide-angle images from the Mosaic Camera on the WIYN 0.9-m Telescope at Kitt Peak National Observatory. A close-up of the inner edge of the Helix Nebula shows complex gas knots of unknown origin.

Finally Here!

He's finally here!!!

Christopher Robert Johnson II!

A month later than what we thought, and a week overdue.

He was born early Friday morning at 3:50 am. 9 lb. 2 oz. 21 inches.

Mom and baby are great and went home late Saturday afternoon. He looks just like his daddy, but has the Marshall nose :o)

Oh Britney

When is she ever going to learn.

Now I love pregnent women, and I love nude photos of them as well. I think a monther's belly is the most beatuiful thing in the world. But this picture could have been better. It is very nice and well done, but the expression on her face looks like it belongs to a 16 year old who just got her first car. Just saying it could be a little more serious.

Now take photo #2. I LOVE IT! Very classy, sexy, and still expresses her motherhood. Bazaar should have went with #2 as their cover and done the nudes inside.

Tomb of the Unknown

http://www.tombguard.org/site.html

"The soldier is the Army. No army is better that its soldiers. The Soldier is also a citizen. In fact, the highest obligation and privilege of citizenship is that of bearing arms for ones country.

"Hence it is a proud privilege to be a soldier, a good soldier [with] discipline, self-respect, pride in his unit and his country, a high sense of duty and obligation to comrades and to his superiors, and a self confidence born of demonstrated ability." ~ General George S. Patton, Jr.
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Once a year I receive the "Tomb of the Unknown" email. And once or twice a year I journey to the Society of the Honor Guard of the Tomb of the Unknown web page. This is a page made and maintained by alumni sentinels of the Tomb of the Unknown. It contains the history of the tomb, the meaning of the tomb, and general FAQ's. Please check it out, as I was inspired today by the quote I found above.

I was very struck by "The Soldier is also a citizen. In fact, the highest obligation and privilege of citizenship is that of bearing arms for one’s country." I have never served in the military, but had always wanted to. I have a lot of friends who fight on a daily basis for not just the freedom of our country, but for the freedom and basic human rights of every country in the world. I do hope that one day, if I so choose to reproduce, that my children will find serving in the military to be an honor and enlist.

Happy 69 Day!

I am declaring June 9th officially 69 day! After 666 I wasn't sure when another cool date would come along, let alone 3 days later... so Happy 69 day!

Jon the Human Drum

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Today's Forecast

Today's forecast calls for 20% chance of baby with high swelling in the ankle region and high irritability. Staying inside, kept cool, and well fed should decrease your chances of irritability.

Tomorrow's chance of baby increases as we move into the weekend as this front will not last till the next full moon.

Military Oaths Of Enlistment

Oaths Of Enlistment
All persons, upon entering Military Service and upon reenlistment, are required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time, the Oath of Enlistment was the same for all services. Due to changes in both society and the differing Military Branches, the Oath has undergone marked change and has been specifically tailored to each branch of the Military and their specific function. Here are the latest versions of the Oath of Enlistment as recently released by the Joint Chiefs of Staff:

US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services.

I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"
____________________ Signature
____________________ Date

US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date.

I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test.

After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY."

I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!"
_____________________ Signature
_____________________ Date

US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?"

I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet."

I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!"
______________________ Signature
______________________ Date

US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....blow up....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"
Thumb Print X____________________ XX __________________
Teeth Marks ____________
Date __________________

Jeni Ready to Pop!

Jeni is about ready to pop! She is in final stage of "re-nesting" and Christopher has dropped. She has started to experience some contractions, though she has only diliated to a one (1).

She has a Dr's appointment tomorrow and we will know a little more. We should all have a new baby by the end of the week!

(Picture taken this weekend: May 20, 2006)

My email is breaking up with me

Hi.

This is the qmail-send program at yahoo.com. I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses.

This is a permanent error; I've given up.

Sorry it didn't work out.

Back In Town

Florida was awesome! 75-85, Sunny, Clear skys (with a little haze from the fires) and a slight breeze. I could not have ordered better weather. I have a few pictures on my myspace. Check them out.

The reunion was fun. I met classmates I didn't know, hung out and caught up with people I knew and loved. It was still clicky though. Made my rounds and said Hi to the "popular" people, and tried to have a good time.

My girlfriend Jennifer asked me to be her maid of honor in her wedding in October, so I will be heading back down sometime later this year. This time I am taking Scott and we are going to Disney. I didn't think I would miss him this last weekend, but by Saturday night I missed him terribly and wished I had drug him down with me.

So yesterday I spent the afternoon looking up prices for Disney. For the low price of $650 I can have a room at the French Quarter, airport transportation, park hopper passes for three days that never expire, and a few other cool things. Pricing does not include meals, entertainment, and drinks. Whew... better start saving my money / paying off credit cards.

Florida

I leave tomorrow at 6:20 am for a weekend in Florida. It is my HS 10 year reunion! I will post pictures when I return!

Sexual Dictionary

Shannon -- [adjective]: Fetish oriented 'How will you be defined in the sexual dictionary?' at QuizUniverse.com

Scott -- [noun]: A new position involving a machete 'How will you be defined in the sexual dictionary?' at QuizUniverse.com

Prayer for Lost Books

For him that steals, or borrows and returns not, a book from his owner, let it change into a serpent in his hand and rend him. Let him be struck with palsy, and all his members blasted. Let him languish in pain crying aloud for mercy, and let there be no surcease to his agony till he sing in dissolution. Let book worms gnaw at his entrails in token of the Worm that dieth not. And when at last he goes to his final punishment, let the flames of Hell consume him for ever.

- From the monastery library of San Pedro in Barcelona.

Summer Hours

Ahhhh.... I now have summer hours... I will be working 8-4:30 M-F.

Only get 30 min lunch though which will put a cramp on my walking. But if I actually bring my lunch and eat / snack in the morning, I will be able to walk at lunch.

My JC friends and I are doing a summer weight loss challenge, so hopefully I will loose 15-30 pounds by August 1! Well that is my goal!

My Celebrity Sisters

Your Celebrity Sisters Are Mary-Kate and Ashley

Funky, eccentric, and offbeat You're not a good girl or a bad girl, just a weird girl

Who Are Your Celebrity Sisters?

Summer, Summer, Summer time.....

I just sit back and unwind....

Ahhhh..... I have officially freed my toes!!! They are painted hot pink and are not giong back into a pair of closed toed shoes until October!

Answer:

Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
....................................................................
Republican's Answer:

BANG!
.....................................................................
Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.....
(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?

Son: Can I shoot the next one!

Wife: You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, a terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises his God, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

Family Ties

My brother, his fiancee, and baby packed up and moved away this weekend.

They are heading west to Sequim / Port Angeles, Washington. Janessa's mother lives out there, which is why they moved. Jon made a promise early on in their relationship to move west after college so she can be close to her mother.

We are all very said, but know that we will visit often. Actually, I wouldn't mind moving to Washington myself. I know if one more of us goes that my parents and whom ever is left will follow. :o)

Dear Cats & Dogs:

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.

The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. Iam very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessaryto claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also,I have been using the bathroom for years .... canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's behind. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I haveposted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (that's why they call it "fur"niture).
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people and sometimes even siblings when they tick me off the right way.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids becausethey:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Usually come when called.
5. Never drive your car.
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink again...my dogs don't smoke but the drinking...well....
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
11. If they get pregnant you can sell their children!

04/05/06

I just wanted to point out that Wednesday was April 5, 2006 - or 04/05/06; I guess in military that is 05/04/06; but whatever.

My point being is I LOVE DATES LIKE THIS! Any date that falls in some sort of numeric order excites me. It only happens once in a lifetime!

Like 09/06/96, 01/01/01, 01/02/03, seriously, these things only happen once in a lifetime!

I hope you all paused to observe 04/05/06.

Next event: 06/06/06 (hehehe 666)

I was skinny and didn't know it!

I guess weighing 75 pounds more than you did 10 years ago really puts things in perspective. The thing is, I thought I was fat here! Always ofter the 20 pounds I wanted to loose. Now what I wouldnt give to be this "skinny" again. Well, hopefully I will be soon :o)

This is a picture at Walt Disney World's Grad Night. They intive graduating seniors from all over the US for a night out in the park. Cindy (standing) and Jeane were two of my very best friends in High School. Hopefully I will be able to see them in May.

Baby Christopher

Jeni just started her 3rd trimester! Christopher is becoming quite the acrobat!

We are having a baby shower for her on May 7th.

My cousin Desiree is expecting also. She is just a month or so behind Jeni! Very exciting because we all grew up together and now our kids will be the same ages also!

Going to Florida

I did it... I gave in and booked my fight, car, and bought my reunion ticket last night. Yes, my 10 year HS reunion is 45 days away. I wonder if I could loose a pound a day by then??? Maybe going to Florida to get some sunshine will cheer my ass up. I could use some!

Fred Phelps - Terriorist?

(I am pretty upset right now and really can't put how I feel right now into words.)

Fred Phelps, a Baptist minister in Topeka Kansas and is leading a campaign of people that protest at fallen soldiers funerals.

They say the soldiers are fighting for an army that represents a country that accepts homosexuality. (That would be us, the USA). Fred describes himself as an "old-time" gospel preacher who says, "You can't preach the Bible without preaching the hatred of God." (I am sorry... hatred of God? This guy isn't any better than a sucide bomber.)

He and his family have picketed and heckled military families at more than 100 funerals since June.

Fred's campaign has sparked another group to found. That's the birth of a group called the "Patriot Guard Riders." They're a volunteer group of motorcycleist that came together after hearing that so many military families were being blindsided by the protesters. They ride alongside the funeral procession protecting the family from any protesters. This last weekend, more than 400 motorcycles thundered in Dodge City to make sure Sgt. Jessie Davila's funeral was not overshadowed by the Phelps protest. (YEAH!!!!)

Since CNN started airing reports on these funeral confrontations a few weeks ago, the Patriot Guard Riders say its membership has almost tripled. More than a dozen states are now considering legislation that would restrict protesting at funerals. (YEAH!!!)

Brackets Suck!

Suck, Suck, Suck, Suck, Suck....
... at least 40% of the teams I have picked.

I am actually 2nd in my team, but most of the teams I have picked to go far are all ready out of the race. My bracket looks like a 7th grade English teacher got a hold of it with a red pen.

I will say one thing, I have a perfect Atlanta bracket - no one I have picked has lost (knock on wood). The rest already went to hell.

So I will continue to cross my fingers and hope that the rest of my teams can make it!

GO UCLA!

St. Patrick's Day

St. Patrick's Day is 2 days away!!!!

I have the day off of work.

Stout opens at 6:00 am.

I have shamrock on my nails and a new green sweater.

I CAN'T WAIT!

Leadership Challenge

My new, and last class, is Strategic Leadership; and I am LOVING IT!

We have two books required for the class; The Leadership Challenge and Leadership, Theory and Practice. Both are very good books and are highly recommended. I think my last two bosses have definitely read The Leadership Challenge; I am only to chapter 5 and can see that I have already lived & practiced this entire book.

Best Week Ever?

This week through next Thursday is U of M's gay awareness week. The next 7 days are filled with seminars, socials, and rallies all in awareness of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender issues. The office of LGBT Affairs and their students have set up several "serious" events as well as fun events like: "Queers at Play" and "Flames On Ice". If you are interested in attending the rally it is Monday, March 13 from 12-1 on the Diag. I am a strong supporter of LGBT issues and I think I will plan on attending a workshop today on creating a LGBT friendly workplace as well as the rally. Unfortunately, I will miss Flames on Ice next Thursday due to my new Western European swordfighting class.

For more information on U of M's office of LGBT issues: http://www.umich.edu/~lgbta

**Best Week Ever is not associated with VH1, MTV, or any other Viacom affiliates. **

Feel'n Great

I am happy to report that I have gotten over the workout hump and I am well on my way to loosing 92 pounds. U of M started this new "Active U" program. Since it has started I have been exercising 35-60 min a day and I finally FEEL GREAT!! My body actually WANTS to exercise! and I feel like a bum when I don't! So far I have lost about 5 lbs since it started about 3 weeks ago. WOO HOO. My goal will be 5-10 pounds a month with my final goal to be able to fit into my sister's wedding dress!

I also saw the $100,000 winner from Biggest Looser on Friday at a conference. He was very inspirational and motivating. I am determined this time around to make it work.

For those of you who don't know, I have been trying to loose weight since high school (some how it keeps finding me before I loose him). I even have a fat blog so I don't have to bug you here about my lifestyle and weight woes; but this milestone was significant enough for me to mention here.

Happy Bunny

My cousin Ben inspired me to be a happy bunny today.

Google Partners with National Archives

History deserves the best
2/24/2006 09:01:00 AM

Posted by Jon Steinback, Product Marketing Manager, Google Video

In junior high, I learned about most of history's greatest moments through the least engaging media possible: the yellowed pages of outdated textbooks or the unfocused projections of film strips on my classroom walls. For many momentous events, words and pictures don't transmit the full sense of what has transpired. To see for one's self, through video and audio, brings an event to life.

Over 70 years ago, the National Archives was founded with the express purpose of preserving these moments in their full glory, serving America by documenting our government and our nation. This includes truly momentous events like the moon landing, as well as rare historical footage like government documentaries from the 1930s and battlefield stories from World War II.

Today we're very pleased to tell you that we're helping the National Archives take one step closer to realizing its vision. Together, we're launching a pilot program to digitize their video content and offer it to everyone in the world for free. I think both students and teachers can agree that any of these would make for an exciting day in the classroom:- Allied patrols in action on Anzio beach- Reclamation and the Arid West- The Eagle Has Landed 1969I

t's so refreshing to see history conveyed with more clarity than a filmstrip can offer.

Ticking Time Away

The other day I realized why my friend Corey ticks the time off her calendar. I didn't understand why before. I always wondered what possible satisfaction she got out of marking the days off her calendar; now I know.

She was waiting for something better.
She was waiting for the day she could really do what she wanted to in life, not just what she was doing for the moment.

You see, I really liked my planning job. I would have never found satisfaction in ticking off the days on the calendar. Not even in my old department here at the U would I have either. I loved my last two jobs.

But now that is it a year later and I am in a job I can't wait to get out of, I am now find myself ticking down the days. Counting down until I can finally do what I was wired up to do. Which I am assuming I will figure out someday. I do know for a fact that it is not my current position. I do not get my masters degree and invest in being a student of leadership to fetch the mail and make coffee the rest of my life.

So until then, I will sit in the waiting room of "My Career" and tick off the days until my train arrives.

National Engineers Week

Googler insights into product and technology news and our culture.
Google, girls and engineering
2/23/2006 12:08:00 PM

Posted by Emily Nishi, Diversity Program Manager

Did you know that it's National Engineers Week in the U.S. -- and that February 23 is Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day? The week-long celebration aims to raise public awareness of the many contributions engineers have made to our quality of life, and intrigue young students with the many wonders and possibilities in an engineer's work.

Throughout this week, several Google offices, including New York, Kirkland and Mountain View, have been hosting a couple of hundred girls from local middle schools and high schools to come visit us for the day. The girls have the unique opportunity to shadow a Google engineer or two, go to interactive workshops, eat in our yummy cafes (the pizzas are a hit!) and get an insider's tour of the Google offices.

We hope these girls get a real-life sense of what it's like to work here, and more important, that we've piqued their interests and ultimately help steer them toward future careers in math, science and engineering. Let's hear it for the girls!

Grey's Anatomy

I love Grey's Anatomy; and it makes me cry every week. Last night, was no exception. In fact, I cried myself to sleep. It was the finale of a two parter and the theme was:

"If you knew you were going to die, how would you spend your last day?"

My first and only thought was that I would spend all day in bed with Scott, and just stay there until it happened. (of course assuming that I was going to pass peacefully from illness or what-not. You can't really control accidents or bombs in body cavities.)

(Please respond)

Terry Tate - Office Linebacker

When Reebok featured Terry Tate as the Office Linebacker, I didn't think much about it until I started working on my master's degree. Well last night in class a group project that was discussing change and how resistant we are to change did a skit and we watched the Terry Tate training video. It was awesome! So watch the video below, it is about 4 minutes. It will show you some "aggressive" tactics when it comes to incorporating change into the workplace.
(Click on the title above if streem doesn't work.)

Remember the late 80's Early 90's?

~ once again, thanks Jen!

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and spokey-dokes or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (Woo ooh!)
12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen...and still know the turtles names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH"(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten.(She's Truly Outrageous.)
21. You remember reading Tales of a fourth grade nothing and all The Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail kids in the schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up. (even though they were brother and sister)
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples..
43. Don't worry, be happy
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks
45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do...getting yelled at by younger hip members of the family)
46. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
47. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
49. You remember watching Rainbow Bright and & My Little Pony Tales
50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB"
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class. (I Love Zak Morris!)
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
55. You just sang those words to yourself.
56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
57. Homemade Levi shorts.. ! (the shorter the better)
58. You remember when mullets were cool!
59. You had a mullet!
60. You still sing "We are the World"
61. You tight rolled your jeans.
62. You owned a bannana clip.
63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?"
65. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!
67. You wore more than two watches at once

Power Outage During Mammogram

~ Thanks Jen ~

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science".

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice....it's Spandex!We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"

Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!

"What?" I yelled.

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag" Belinda headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy . the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back! ."

Before I could shout , "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance "en extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going?" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible. "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."

"You bet, take care", Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said.

"Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.

Forces: U.S. & Coalition/Casualties

My good friend Elaine is keeping track of our fallen soldiers on her blog. Yesterday I came across this article on CNN.com. Click on my blog title above to link directly to CNN. The article lists the breakdown of casualties as well as list the names and photos of American Soldiers.


There have been 2,438 coalition deaths, 2,238 Americans, one Australian, 98 Britons, 13 Bulgarians, two Danes, two Dutch, two Estonians, one Hungarian, 26 Italians, one Kazakh, one Latvian, 17 Poles, two Salvadoran, three Slovaks, 11 Spaniards, two Thai and 18 Ukrainians in the war in Iraq as of January 26, 2006, according to a CNN count. (Graphical breakdown of casualties).

The list below is the names of the soldiers, Marines, airmen, sailors and Coast Guardsmen whose deaths have been reported by their country's governments. At least 16,548 U.S. troops have been wounded in action, according to the Pentagon. View casualties in the war in Afghanistan and examine U.S. war casualties dating back to the Revolutionary War.

Winter Blond Joke

From my friend Steve.

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says..."Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

Closing Time

4:00 Friday and I have officially stopped working for the day.

Ahhhhhh.... the guilty pleasure of doing absolutely nothing the last hour of the day before I lock up at 4:45 and leave the office at 5:00 on the dot (Corey would be jealous).

My job last year did not allow such luxuries, so if you go back through archives, you will see that I wrote about once a week or less; I have a feeling that I will once again have a little more time during work hours to dripple across my blog and waste an entire afternoon pondering the things in life. Ahhhhhh.....

Not that my job doesn’t keep me busy, I do have things to do, but do not feel like doing them at this time. I guess I had to actually LEARN to be lazy at work. I am a good worker, a hard worker.

In my first ever job out of college when you gave me something to do I did it straight away. Then I got all my work done and had nothing left to do that day, or even the rest of the week. So... I had to learn to slow down and save things for later and become lazy.

In my second job I made the mistake of asking for extra duties and responsibilities to pass the time growing my job duties from 13 to 27 in a year. I will never do that again. Not only did my plate runnith over, do you think I got paid any more for doubling my duties?????

So, along comes job three, just as busy and really leaving no time to fluff off, not saying I never did, but it was rare.

And now back to job four. I am enjoying what I am doing. I know how to do it with little training and I am enjoying the pace I can get all my work done in the day. I do have to say that I really do think this is the first time all week I have just stopped working to enjoy the last hour of the day.

So welcome me back to the world of having the blessing to be able to relax a little at work. I will have to take advantage of it because hopefully in a few years I will be further along in my "career" (whatever that is) and one again I will be too busy to fluff off.

Happy Friday! CHEERS!

New Years 2006

Scott and I at our friend's JJ & Becky's house for New Years. 

Darth Wilhelm

"No Jon, I am not your father."

Why Marriage? by Mari Nichols

Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person,
With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body...

Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me,
Who won't hold them against me,
Who loves me when I'm unlikable,
Who sees the small child in me,
and Who looks for the divine potential of me...

Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night
With someone who thanks God for me,
With someone I feel blessed to hold...

Because marriage means opportunity
To grow in love in friendship...

Because marriage is a discipline
To be added to a list of achievements...

Because marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage
Expecting another to make them whole...

Because, knowing this,
I promise myself to take full responsibility
For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness

I create me,
I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together we create our marriage...

Because with this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.

** I read this at my sister's wedding **

New Job

Well.... it has been almost a year since I left the University and became a Social Event Planner for Genoa Woods Conference Center in Brighton, MI. As of December 30 I will be leaving Genoa Woods and going back to the University.

I have accepted a position with the Political Science Department as their Office Assistant. Not a glamorous job for someone about to finish their master's degree, but one that I am very good at. I am leaving Genoa Woods on very good terms and know that I will be part of their team again in a few years.

I have learned a lot about myself this year. What my talents and strengths are and how to value what I do in life over being miserable and well off. (I know, I know). So I will be poor and happy, until I can find something that will make me happy and rich!

Anywho... if you email me at Genoa Woods I won't be answering it after December 30. Please use my other personal email address. :o)

Jeni's Wedding

My sister got married this weekend! She is now Jeni Johnson! Click on the link above to see some pictures!

How Shannon Makes Christmas Cookies

Christmas Cookie Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup ... just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. ! Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

Buzz off!

Buzz off! ‘Mosquito’ aims to drive away teens Device’s inventor claims ultrasonic sounds audible only to young people

Reuters
Updated: 5:54 p.m. ET Nov. 30, 2005

LONDON - A Welsh inventor claims to have found the perfect solution to rowdy youngsters — noise.

Howard Stapleton says his device, the “Mosquito,” emits an uncomfortable high-pitched ultrasonic sound that can be heard by children and teenagers but almost no one over 30.
It has successfully driven away noisy teens from a grocery store in the Welsh town of Barry and a shop in Stapleton’s home town Merthyr Tydfil, making smoking, lounging and foul-mouthed youths a thing of the past.

The ability to hear high frequencies deteriorates with age, but some adults might still be able to hear the Mosquito. No one except young troublemakers appears annoyed, however.
“All I’m getting is pats on the back,” Stapleton told Reuters. “No bricks thrown at me yet.”
He said teenagers he had talked to welcomed the device too, because they used to be intimidated by gangs hanging around the shops.

The Mosquito has turned Stapleton into a media star, with appearances on British TV and radio and interest from as far afield as Australia, the United States and Canada.

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10269421/

Bird Flu

The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:

1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to crap on someone's windshield .

Nothing new

Not much new in my life but a few new credit cards and a hang nail.

I am 99% finished with my Christmas shopping (Scott thinks I am crazy, and so will Pete). I just have to get Scott's sister and her husband something and I am all done, which I may do tonight, I am not sure. I can't tell you what a relief it is to be done Christmas shopping in October. I will never have to set foot in the mall all season!!!! I just have to remember now that I am done shopping and not to buy any more presents for anyone. I am really only guilty of doing this for my sister and Scott. Both whom I prob spend the most money on. One, cause I love Scott so much, and 2. cause my sister is so easy to shop for.

Mary at work quit. So I am Interim Social Event Coordinator, until they find a replacement. Seriously put a damper on my Halloween Party plans scheduled for the 22nd. Bastards, I told my friends I would be unable to participate if they moved it up a week. I have one more wedding left for the season on the 22nd. Should go nice and smooth. Then I have an auction and then on to holiday party season. Which should be interesting.

Scott had sinus surgery again yesterday. He is at home nursing some very nice black eyes and a swollen face. They removed a polyp, some scar tissue, and fully connected his drainage to his throat. No wonder he gets all stuffed up so fast. My assistant chef recommended Yoga to Scott to increasing his breathing through his nose to keep it clear.

My kitty Daisy keeps pooping outside her litter box on the floor. It is clean, cause she keeps pooping on the outside, so I have to figure out what is pissing her off so she will start using the box again. At least she isn’t pooping in my clothes or on my bed, she poops in the laundry room in corners I cannot reach. (little bitch)

I bought Buffy Season's 1-7. I should put them and my treadmill to good use and use them together. Makes the exercising go by much faster. Scott hasn’t noticed yet that I bought the entire collection. Once the drugs wear off, he may figure it out.

Girls like boys with skills

Digital Camera

I finally ordered a digital camera. I was afraid to buy one because I didn't want to loose the right to have hard copy pictures; but an incident this week taught me my lesson.

I finally took in film from last summer, yes, LAST summer (2004) to be developed. I had this film so long, I had even passed the "Develop by" date. I also learned why they have a "develop by" date. So I got pictures back from two weddings, a camping trip, a tailgating adventure, and photos of my cats broken leg. All of course taken with 800 speed film and they should have come out crystal clear. Did they? NO. I had passed the "develop by" date.

I also came to the conclusion that when I have my mom's digital camera I take pictures, download and order prints all right away. So... I bought a digital camera. A red Cannon PowerShot SD20 Digital Camera.

Ticketmaster Hell

I am now officially banned from purchasing any tickets to any events I wish to attend. Why? Cause every time I do, I mess something up.

First I went to a concert on the wrong day, then I bought 1 ticket on Ebay instead of 2 to a concert in Chicago, and now... I have bought tickets to something when I had a prior engagement. I suck. I should have learned before and just listened to Scott - who was right. Yes Scott, you were right dear, I should have listened to you. I swear on a stack of bibles that I will listen to you in all manners concerning purchasing tickets of any kind (concert, events, airplane, etc...) from this day on.

Today's Shameless Plug: Oktoberfest 2005, Friday September 30, 7-10 pm @ http://www.genoawoods.com/ By tickets from me!!! $35 Hot off the press! Get them NOW!

Seattle man dies after sex with horse

So.. um... watching Mind of Mencina last night and he came to his "Why the F#%& is this News" segment and discussed the following below.

attitude today: Felling like a liberal hippy douche

******************************************

Seattle man dies after sex with horse Police say death was accidental, investigate farm on cruelty suspicions
Reuters
Updated: 9:12 p.m. ET July 15, 2005

SEATTLE - A Seattle man died after engaging in anal sex with a horse at a farm suspected of being a gathering place for people seeking to have sex with livestock, police said Friday.The horse involved in the incident was not harmed, and an autopsy of the unnamed man concluded that “the manner of death was accidental ... due to perforation of the colon,” a police spokesman said.

“The information that we have is that people would find this place via chat rooms on the Web,” said Sgt. John Urquhart of the King County Sheriff’s Department.

Although sex with animals is not illegal in Washington state, Urquhart said that investigators were looking into whether the farm, located in Enumclaw, 40 miles southeast of Seattle, allowed sex with smaller animals that resulted in animal cruelty, which is a crime.

“If you’re talking about sheep or goats, there could be some issues,” Urquhart said.

***********************************************

Enumclaw-area animal-sex case investigated
By Jennifer SullivanSeattle Times staff reporter

King County sheriff's detectives are investigating the owners of an Enumclaw-area farm after a Seattle man died from injuries sustained while having sex with a horse boarded on the property.
Investigators first learned of the farm after the man died at Enumclaw Community Hospital July 2. The county Medical Examiner's Office ruled that the death was accidental and the result of having sex with a horse.

A surveillance camera picked up the license plate of the car that dropped the man off at the hospital, which led detectives to the farm and other people involved, said sheriff's Sgt. John Urquhart.

Deputies don't believe a crime occurred because bestiality is not illegal in Washington state and the horse was uninjured, said Urquhart.

But because investigators found chickens, goats and sheep on the property, they are looking into whether animal cruelty — which is a crime — was committed by having sex with these smaller, weaker animals, he said.

The farm was talked about in Internet chat rooms as a destination for people looking to have sex with livestock, he said.

"A significant number of people, we believe, have likely visited this farm," said Urquhart.
The Humane Society of the United States intends to use the case during the next state legislative session as an example of why sex with animals should be outlawed in Washington, said Bob Reder, a Humane Society regional director in Seattle.

"This and a few other cases that we have will allow us a platform to talk about sex abuse of animals," Reder said.

Thirty-three states ban sex with animals, he said.

Susan Michaels, co-founder of local animal-rights organization Pasado's Safe Haven, said she has been fighting to have bestiality made illegal. "It's animal cruelty behind closed doors," Michaels said.

**************************************************

Research @ Cambridge University

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

****************
from Jen P

One Year Anniversary

Wow! My blog will be up for one year on Friday. I can't believe I have been writing about my life and thoughts for a year now. We have been through lots this last year. A blogger stalker, my cat's broken leg, a new kitty, a new baby, a new job, and life in general. The year has been very good to me and I am looking forward to the next year.

Things to do in the next year:

• Launch my new position at Genoa Woods as the Special Event's Coordinator for Legendary Events.
• Finish my Master's Degree
• Lanuch a new part time career (possibly)
• Take a REAL vacation - traveling to Eurpoe (hopefully - if not Epcot at Disney World will have to do!)
• Become a Legendary party planner for Livingston County!

I'll save getting married for 2007 :o)

My new outfit

I am going to the Michigan Renaissance Festival and finally gave in and bought a costume. Mine is a black skirt and green vest. I get it on Wednesday!!!

Spam on my blog

Freeke'n A!!!

Spam on my blog!

"Reading your blog and I figured you'd be interested in advancing your life a bit, call us at 1-206-339-5106. No tests, books or exams, easiest way to get a Bachelors, Masters, MBA, Doctorate or Ph.D in almost any field.Totally confidential, open 24 hours a day.Hope to hear from you soon!"

WTF!




** Oktoberfest Beer Tasting - Friday Spetember 30th **

I love Scotch

"I love Scotch, Scotch, Scotch, Scotch."

Well not really, but I had to quote Ron Burgundy, San Diego Anchorman legend.

What Shannon would say is "I love rum, rum, rum, rum" then I can be stranded on an island with Johnny Depp and drink all the stolen Caribbean rum I want. Scott and I ended up going out with some friends last minute last night and had a WONDERFUL time! (Thanks Pete & Brian) We spent the night drinking, and picking out "tossers", "wankers", and sluts; and a wonderful time was had by all :o) Well maybe except for Erin who isn’t into girl watching as much as the rest of us are ;o) I also saw my first "Monet" last night (really pretty looking from far away, but when you get close things aren't really what they seemed). Which was depressing because I have admired this particular bartender from afar for a while now and to see her up close last night was slightly disappointing.

Oh well... Mark on your calendars: 1st Annual Oktoberfest Beer Tasting on September 24! $30 / person. Details to follow!

Memo to FAA

MEMO

TO: FAA
FROM: Conserned US Citizen

RE: Airport Security

Dear Sirs,

I have the solution for the prevention of hijackings, and at the same time getting our airline industry back on its feet.

Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed to look at naked women we should replace all of our female flight attendants with strippers. Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing a naked woman, and of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again in hopes of seeing a naked woman. Hijackings would end and the airline industry would have record sales.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

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Thanks Jen!

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SMM

- Thanks Larry!