~ Thanks Jen ~
I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"
I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science".
Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice....it's Spandex!We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"
Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?
My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!
"What?" I yelled.
"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag" Belinda headed for the door.
"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy . the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back! ."
Before I could shout , "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance "en extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going?" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible. "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."
"You bet, take care", Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said.
"Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
Forces: U.S. & Coalition/Casualties
My good friend Elaine is keeping track of our fallen soldiers on her blog. Yesterday I came across this article on CNN.com. Click on my blog title above to link directly to CNN. The article lists the breakdown of casualties as well as list the names and photos of American Soldiers.
There have been 2,438 coalition deaths, 2,238 Americans, one Australian, 98 Britons, 13 Bulgarians, two Danes, two Dutch, two Estonians, one Hungarian, 26 Italians, one Kazakh, one Latvian, 17 Poles, two Salvadoran, three Slovaks, 11 Spaniards, two Thai and 18 Ukrainians in the war in Iraq as of January 26, 2006, according to a CNN count. (Graphical breakdown of casualties).
The list below is the names of the soldiers, Marines, airmen, sailors and Coast Guardsmen whose deaths have been reported by their country's governments. At least 16,548 U.S. troops have been wounded in action, according to the Pentagon. View casualties in the war in Afghanistan and examine U.S. war casualties dating back to the Revolutionary War.
There have been 2,438 coalition deaths, 2,238 Americans, one Australian, 98 Britons, 13 Bulgarians, two Danes, two Dutch, two Estonians, one Hungarian, 26 Italians, one Kazakh, one Latvian, 17 Poles, two Salvadoran, three Slovaks, 11 Spaniards, two Thai and 18 Ukrainians in the war in Iraq as of January 26, 2006, according to a CNN count. (Graphical breakdown of casualties).
The list below is the names of the soldiers, Marines, airmen, sailors and Coast Guardsmen whose deaths have been reported by their country's governments. At least 16,548 U.S. troops have been wounded in action, according to the Pentagon. View casualties in the war in Afghanistan and examine U.S. war casualties dating back to the Revolutionary War.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Winter Blond Joke
From my friend Steve.
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says..."Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says..."Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
Friday, January 20, 2006
Closing Time
4:00 Friday and I have officially stopped working for the day.
Ahhhhhh.... the guilty pleasure of doing absolutely nothing the last hour of the day before I lock up at 4:45 and leave the office at 5:00 on the dot (Corey would be jealous).
My job last year did not allow such luxuries, so if you go back through archives, you will see that I wrote about once a week or less; I have a feeling that I will once again have a little more time during work hours to dripple across my blog and waste an entire afternoon pondering the things in life. Ahhhhhh.....
Not that my job doesn’t keep me busy, I do have things to do, but do not feel like doing them at this time. I guess I had to actually LEARN to be lazy at work. I am a good worker, a hard worker.
In my first ever job out of college when you gave me something to do I did it straight away. Then I got all my work done and had nothing left to do that day, or even the rest of the week. So... I had to learn to slow down and save things for later and become lazy.
In my second job I made the mistake of asking for extra duties and responsibilities to pass the time growing my job duties from 13 to 27 in a year. I will never do that again. Not only did my plate runnith over, do you think I got paid any more for doubling my duties?????
So, along comes job three, just as busy and really leaving no time to fluff off, not saying I never did, but it was rare.
And now back to job four. I am enjoying what I am doing. I know how to do it with little training and I am enjoying the pace I can get all my work done in the day. I do have to say that I really do think this is the first time all week I have just stopped working to enjoy the last hour of the day.
So welcome me back to the world of having the blessing to be able to relax a little at work. I will have to take advantage of it because hopefully in a few years I will be further along in my "career" (whatever that is) and one again I will be too busy to fluff off.
Happy Friday! CHEERS!
Ahhhhhh.... the guilty pleasure of doing absolutely nothing the last hour of the day before I lock up at 4:45 and leave the office at 5:00 on the dot (Corey would be jealous).
My job last year did not allow such luxuries, so if you go back through archives, you will see that I wrote about once a week or less; I have a feeling that I will once again have a little more time during work hours to dripple across my blog and waste an entire afternoon pondering the things in life. Ahhhhhh.....
Not that my job doesn’t keep me busy, I do have things to do, but do not feel like doing them at this time. I guess I had to actually LEARN to be lazy at work. I am a good worker, a hard worker.
In my first ever job out of college when you gave me something to do I did it straight away. Then I got all my work done and had nothing left to do that day, or even the rest of the week. So... I had to learn to slow down and save things for later and become lazy.
In my second job I made the mistake of asking for extra duties and responsibilities to pass the time growing my job duties from 13 to 27 in a year. I will never do that again. Not only did my plate runnith over, do you think I got paid any more for doubling my duties?????
So, along comes job three, just as busy and really leaving no time to fluff off, not saying I never did, but it was rare.
And now back to job four. I am enjoying what I am doing. I know how to do it with little training and I am enjoying the pace I can get all my work done in the day. I do have to say that I really do think this is the first time all week I have just stopped working to enjoy the last hour of the day.
So welcome me back to the world of having the blessing to be able to relax a little at work. I will have to take advantage of it because hopefully in a few years I will be further along in my "career" (whatever that is) and one again I will be too busy to fluff off.
Happy Friday! CHEERS!
Sunday, January 08, 2006
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